Originally I wanted to do weekly or bi-weekly updates, but as you can see it didn't turn out that way. I did an announcement/update at 12 weeks and then wanted to do another update at 18 weeks when we found out the sex, but everything kind went crazy after that...
18 Weeks:
We went in for our 'big' ultrasound. We told the u.s. tech that we didn't want our girls to know because we wanted to have a big reveal party with the family and we knew they couldn't keep a secret for a whole week... So she wrote it down on a little piece of paper and handed it to me. It read, BOY!!! What?? I could not believe it!! I immediately started crying!! I handed it over to Kyle and he put his hand up for a high five and said, "I knew I could do it!" Ha!! I love him!!
So, then the u.s. went on for about an hour. The tech told us that she was looking for something in his heart, but it just wasn't showing up. She thought he may be too young still and we may need to have another one in a couple weeks. No biggy right? Wrong...
20 Weeks:
We go to see the OB for our regular scheduled check up. Now, my Dr. is usually a pretty happy guy and always cracking jokes...this day he was not. I always try not to worry or be nervous going into these appointments, but I could tell that he was very serious and was going to give us some bad news. That little part of the heart that the tech was searching for turned out to be a bigger problem than what we thought. The Dr. proceeded to tell us that our baby may have a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect-a hole in the heart) and an Echogenic Foci (a spot on the heart). He didn't really go into a lot of detail about what these things actually mean, but what he did say is that usually things like this fix themselves during the remainder of the pregnancy and hopefully that's all it was. He referred us to a Parinatologist (High Risk Pregnancy Specialist) to get another check up and find out exactly what was going on... I thought this was the worst news ever and how could there be anything wrong with my baby?? How could he seem so sure that it would fix itself? For the next two weeks all we could do was wait and hope for the best...
22 Weeks:
Our fist visit with the Parinatologist and Pediatric Cardiologist. It turns out that the baby did not have a VSD or echogenic foci. It was so much worse... On this day August 9, 2013 our unborn son was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome or HRHS. This means that the right ventricle of his heart is underdeveloped and much smaller than it should be and basically doesn't work. The right side of your heart is what pumps the oxygenated blood into the left ventricle which then pumps your blood to the rest of your body. Right now, he's ok not having much use of the right side. He gets his oxygen from the placenta. He is in the safest place possible right now... When he's born and attempts to take his first breath, his little heart will only be able to do so much. He will have to be immediately stabilized and will most likely go right in for his first of three open heart surgeries... (I'll explain all of his procedures more in my coming updates.)
It's hard to imagine that any of this is really possible. How can it be that every time we go for a check up and we see his beautiful little profile on the u.s. screen and hear his little heart beating like a tiny locomotive? Every single day I have to reprocess all of this information in my head...
-Jump to 28 Weeks 3 Days
Here we are today, appreciating the body aches, the weight gain and the exhaustion so much more than I ever have. Knowing that I'm the capsule holding this precious baby boy safe every day is the most rewarding feeling in the world. He's my little heart baby and we are his heart family...
Up until today, the only people who know what's going on is our family and closest family friends. I've been going back and forth about whether I was going to tell you all or not, but the bottom line is that I feel like every time I see a friend or client they ask me how I am and how's the baby and I answer with, "We're great! He's great!" that I'm lying my face off. I want to tell you the real story. I want to tell you that yes, we are good because he's safe and sound for now, but I also want to tell you that I'm scared... I've been shaking the entire time I've been typing this wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Over the next 11 weeks there will be so many more appointments with the specialist and surgeons and psychologists and hospital neonatal tours and I hope you can bare with me... My plan was to continue working through the end of November, but that has now changed to the end of October. My last shooting day will be Sunday November 3rd and I will probably open up one weekend in October for holiday minis in hopes that I can fit you all in before I "leave".
I'm happy to answer any questions you might have about all of this or a holiday session if you're interested. Or, if you can relate I'd love to hear your story. You can email me at paisleylanephotography@gmail.com. Thank you for your support and friendship. I appreciate all of you!!!
xoxo-Shawna
