My boys | Father's Day

A couple days ago Kyle said that he was going to take Kayn upstairs to put him down for a nap.  When he didn't come right back I decided to go see what was up.  This is what I found...  My boys cuddled up so sweetly.  Heart.  Exploded.  

It was a good thing I grabbed my camera on the way...

It's easy to take something as simple as a nap with your son for granted...  As soon as I saw this I was reminded of a certain picture I took of Kyle and Kayn when he was just one day new.... 

When Kayn was born they immediately rushed him to the NICU to be sedated and intubated.  We didn't even get to hold him.  We had no idea when that day would come.  While in the NICU all we could do was hold his hand or rest our hand on him.   We couldn't even stroke his hair...  They said that if we rubbed his skin it would feel painful like tiny needles on his skin.  I'll never forget how it felt to be told that we had to limit even touching him.  This picture always sticks out in my mind because it shows the strength and determination in both of my boys.  I never doubted for a second that we would all get through this, but I couldn't have done it without this amazing man by my side.  I feel like this Father's Day was a little bit more special.  In my eyes, Kayn gets his strength from his Dad...  

Thank you, Kyle, for being THE most amazing Father to our children.  For setting the best example possible of what a good man is.  I love your face.

Morris Family | Brennan is One!

I've been shooting this family for over a year now!!  I can't believe it!!  I first met Jen and Sean for their maternity session and now look... this handsome little man is ONE!  It's crazy how time flies and I've adored watching him grow.  I love you guys to pieces!!  Thanks for sticking around... 

xoxo - Shawna

Bryn & Karsyn's tea party...

We usually spend a lot of time at home anyway, but the girls have been out of school for a week and now suddenly they're bored.  That's all I've heard out of them + it's hot as hell outside.  So, this is our new favorite thing to do...throw a superb tea party under an even more superb fort.  The fort was made by yours truly and I will admit that I strategically placed the blankets in such a way that warm yummy sunshine would pour through and I army crawled around for 20 minutes getting all of these shots.  Boom!  Memories captured ;)

A day in the life...while Kayn is napping.

My dearest Bryn and Karsyn,

Just so you know, I will set up a fort every day for you if you want me to.  

When you think nobody is listening, these glorious things start happening with your imaginations.  What is it about a fort that turns your whole world into something or someplace different?  I love the way you light up with new details.  

Stay this little forever, my sunshines...

This little tea pot has been around since Bryn's first birthday...  Thankfully, the batteries are dead ;)

And then after not much time you're done with this and ready to move on to something else.  Never a dull moment around here.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  

xoxo - Mommy

Kayn | 2 Months | Kickin' ass

Look at me!  I'm blogging!  Kayn is taking a pretty good nap right now so I thought I'd sit down and share this with you.  

So, he's 2 months new!!  Crazy right?  I know.  I can't believe it either.  

We got to spend a whole day together while Kyle took the girls out, so naturally I spent the entire time taking pictures of him.  That's what everyone does right?!  I thought so! ;)

On Thursday we had Kayn's check up with the Cardiologist and he couldn't be happier with his progress.  He weighed 10 lbs. 5 oz. and is 23 in long!  I mean, he LOVES to eat. 

Yesterday we went to physical therapy and the therapist said that not only is he hitting his milestones he's about 2 months ahead!  How awesome is that??  It's such a huge relief to hear.  Since we found out about Kayn's condition the Dr.'s have told us that there may be developmental issues.  So far, none.  So amazing!  We are so proud of him and his will to fight this.  He is not going to let his condition slow him down.  The meaning of his name is warrior, fighter and beautiful....  He is living up to his name for sure!  

Now please enjoy these ridiculously adorable pictures of him...  

Baby K ~ 36 Weeks ~ Let the countdown begin.

Today marks 36 weeks.  Just look at that belly!!  :)

  So much has happened in the last month, but now we know everything there is to know and we've met with everyone there is to meet so here it is... 

32 Weeks:

Our first meeting with the surgeon, Dr. Ciccolo.  He took the time to show us pictures of different hearts and different procedures and spelled everything out for us.  No information left out and no questions unanswered.  I was scared at first to hear everything, but then left there feeling stronger and more optimistic.  He told us that he does these procedures about once a week...  We were comforted by his confidence, but couldn't believe that there are that many precious babies going through the same thing...  

33 Weeks:

Our first meeting with the Interventionalist, Dr. Rothman.  This is the first Dr. that Baby K will see first after he's born.  They will take him to the "Cath Lab" to do an ultrasound on his heart and decide if they can intervene by using a less invasive procedure rather than having the open heart surgery.  There is a very very slim chance that it will even work, but this is the order of things and how they figure out what is best for the baby.  

Also on this day, we had our hospital tour.  They walked us through all the main areas, but most importantly the NICU and the PICU.  (Neonatal and Pediatric Intensive Care Units)  Baby K will go to the NICU first prior to any procedure and then after procedures will go upstairs to the PICU for his recovery.  While we were there we got to meet two other heart babies.  A teeny tiny little girl resting peacefully in the NICU and a very handsome little boy who they called "JJ" recovering in the PICU.  We were beyond grateful to their parents for letting us come in and meet their precious babies!!  I look forward to being able to help new parents who come in and want to see what it's like.  It was a huge help for us.

Today, 36 Weeks:
Our Dr. has confirmed our delivery date of Wednesday, November 27th.  I cannot believe that in just 16 short days we will meet the newest love of our lives!!  I am ready to get him out and get to the next step.  At our check up on Thursday the cardiologist said that he saw no change in Baby's heart.  He said at this point there are commonly other complications that can arise, but Baby K is kickin' ass!  Keep your fingers and toes crossed in hopes that we can get through these next two weeks with no other problems.


Here's the hard part...  How do we tell our girls exactly what's going on?  They know he's going to be born soon.  They think that we're bringing him home a few days after... How do you make a 4 and 5 year old understand that their brother has a different heart than them.  This is what I am most scared of right now.  I know that this baby is a fighter and he's going to get through anything and everything.  I know it...  We can't wait for him to arrive, but our world is about to flip upside down and sideways.


  One last thing I need to add...  I would NOT be able to get through any of this without my amazing husband.  I may be the one carrying this special boy, but he is as much a part of all of this as I am.  I'm thankful for our late night conversations and holding me in your arms while you ease my fears... I'm thankful for the times when I can't hold it in anymore and you sit on the phone with me and listen to me cry...  I'm thankful for your weirdness and making me laugh...  Thank you for being you...  
I love you, Kyle.  

Baby K Update | 18-28 Weeks | Heart Baby | Heart Family

Originally I wanted to do weekly or bi-weekly updates, but as you can see it didn't turn out that way.  I did an announcement/update at 12 weeks and then wanted to do another update at 18 weeks when we found out the sex, but everything kind went crazy after that...  

18 Weeks:

We went in for our 'big' ultrasound.  We told the u.s. tech that we didn't want our girls to know because we wanted to have a big reveal party with the family and we knew they couldn't keep a secret for a whole week...  So she wrote it down on a little piece of paper and handed it to me.  It read, BOY!!!  What??  I could not believe it!!  I immediately started crying!!  I handed it over to Kyle and he put his hand up for a high five and said, "I knew I could do it!"  Ha!!  I love him!!  

So, then the u.s. went on for about an hour.  The tech told us that she was looking for something in his heart, but it just wasn't showing up.  She thought he may be too young still and we may need to have another one in a couple weeks.  No biggy right?  Wrong...

20 Weeks:

We go to see the OB for our regular scheduled check up.  Now, my Dr. is usually a pretty happy guy and always cracking jokes...this day he was not.  I always try not to worry or be nervous going into these appointments, but I could tell that he was very serious and was going to give us some bad news.  That little part of the heart that the tech was searching for turned out to be a bigger problem than what we thought.  The Dr. proceeded to tell us that our baby may have a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect-a hole in the heart) and an Echogenic Foci (a spot on the heart).  He didn't really go into a lot of detail about what these things actually mean, but what he did say is that usually things like this fix themselves during the remainder of the pregnancy and hopefully that's all it was.  He referred us to a Parinatologist (High Risk Pregnancy Specialist) to get another check up and find out exactly what was going on...  I thought this was the worst news ever and how could there be anything wrong with my baby??  How could he seem so sure that it would fix itself?  For the next two weeks all we could do was wait and hope for the best...

22 Weeks:

Our fist visit with the Parinatologist and Pediatric Cardiologist.  It turns out that the baby did not have a VSD or echogenic foci.  It was so much worse...  On this day August 9, 2013 our unborn son was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome or HRHS.  This means that the right ventricle of his heart is underdeveloped and much smaller than it should be and basically doesn't work.  The right side of your heart is what pumps the oxygenated blood into the left ventricle which then pumps your blood to the rest of your body.  Right now, he's ok not having much use of the right side.  He gets his oxygen from the placenta.  He is in the safest place possible right now...  When he's born and attempts to take his first breath, his little heart will only be able to do so much.  He will have to be immediately stabilized and will most likely go right in for his first of three open heart surgeries...  (I'll explain all of his procedures more in my coming updates.)

It's hard to imagine that any of this is really possible.  How can it be that every time we go for a check up and we see his beautiful little profile on the u.s. screen and hear his little heart beating like a tiny locomotive?  Every single day I have to reprocess all of this information in my head...

-Jump to 28 Weeks 3 Days

Here we are today, appreciating the body aches, the weight gain and the exhaustion so much more than I ever have.  Knowing that I'm the capsule holding this precious baby boy safe every day is the most rewarding feeling in the world.    He's my little heart baby and we are his heart family...

Up until today, the only people who know what's going on is our family and closest family friends.  I've been going back and forth about whether I was going to tell you all or not, but the bottom line is that I feel like every time I see a friend or client they ask me how I am and how's the baby and I answer with, "We're great!  He's great!" that I'm lying my face off.  I want to tell you the real story.  I want to tell you that yes, we are good because he's safe and sound for now, but I also want to tell you that I'm scared...  I've been shaking the entire time I've been typing this wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  Over the next 11 weeks there will be so many more appointments with the specialist and surgeons and psychologists and hospital neonatal tours and I hope you can bare with me...  My plan was to continue working through the end of November, but that has now changed to the end of October.  My last shooting day will be Sunday November 3rd and I will probably open up one weekend in October for holiday minis in hopes that I can fit you all in before I "leave".

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have about all of this or a holiday session if you're interested. Or, if you can relate I'd love to hear your story.  You can email me at paisleylanephotography@gmail.com.  Thank you for your support and friendship.  I appreciate all of you!!!  

xoxo-Shawna        

Welcome to the world, Scarlet | Tobler Family | Newborn

I've known the Tobler family for a long time and I was thrilled that they asked me to be at the hospital for the birth of their little Scarlet!!  

I waited patiently in the waiting room with the family, but we did not have to wait long.  I went in to see Amber just let her know I was there and her words were, "Go get Brandon!  I have to push!!"  It seemed like just minutes later that Brandon came out to announce her arrival.  So exciting!!!  There's nothing more beautiful than the birth of a child...

And then there were five....

Thank you, Tobler Family, for letting me be a part of such an amazing day and welcoming me into your home to capture these priceless memories.  Your girls are beyond gorgeous and I love watching your family grow through my lens.